Twenty bride and groom worries for their special day.
Firstly let me say that it’s absolutely normal to worry. If you were standing up to do a presentation for work I’m sure most people would still worry – will I remember the words; will the audience know how nervous I am? Worrying is just one of those things that happens when something is extremely important to us. It’s recognising that it’s natural to feel this emotion, contemplating every possible eventuality and then realising that in the big scheme of things, even if any of these things actually happened, would it really ruin your day or would it just make the day even more memorable.
So what are the top twenty worries in my opinion – in no particular order:
The huge one…“will I trip as I walk down the aisle?” You will be understandably nervous…all eyes will be on you…but if you focus on your other half at the end of the aisle everyone else will probably blur into the background. Just remember to walk slowly, take your time, hold your head high with pride, hold hands or link arms with the person walking you down the aisle and if you are wearing a long dress kick each leg forward (obviously not too high) as you walk as this will help to move your dress hoop forwards too.
“I don’t like to be the centre of attention.” Unfortunately this is unavoidable on your day as all eyes will be on you and your other half. However, you don’t have to do the first dance, you don’t have to cut your cake and as for walking down the aisle – walk down with your bridesmaids or your parents – you don’t have to be on your own. Somewhere inside though, I’m sure secretly everybody likes a little bit of attention especially when they have made such an effort to look great on their day…so sssh you’re secret is safe with me!!
“Do I look big in this?” The favourite saying of most women. However, if you are comfortable with your size whatever that may be and you have chosen an outfit that complements your size, you really don’t need to worry. If you suffer from irritable bowel syndrome try to avoid the food that you know sets off your bloating. If you’re planning your wedding and you are worried about how you look as you’re not feeling good in yourself, then start an exercise and healthy eating programme with enough time to prepare you for your wedding day. But remember any losing of weight ahead of your wedding should only be to make you feel even better about yourself. Remember your partner has chosen you for you so don’t worry about what he / she thinks as if they really didn’t love the look of you they wouldn’t be marrying you.
“Will they try to look better than me or will they turn up in white?” If you have guests who feel the need to compete to be the centre of attention, are they really your friends? Do you really want them to be guests at your wedding. If you do as you’ve accepted that that is what they are like, then don’t worry about what they look like…as long as you feel beautiful yourself it really shouldn’t matter about anyone else. Some bride’s choose to dress their bridesmaid’s in hideous outfits so that they can’t be upstaged. But really is that a good idea? Don’t you want incredible photographs in years to come? Don’t you want your bridesmaids to feel great on your day and smile? And so what if they are slimmer than you – does it really matter? If anyone turns up dressed in white…firstly I think that is very disrespectful but that is purely my opinion, secondly – just ignore them – they are going to look ridiculous and be the topic of conversation amongst your guests for all the wrong reasons so don’t let it worry you.
“Will the food be okay?” Catering is important, in fact it is one of the most important things on your day. However, if you have researched the company; sourced a professional reputable supplier; tried their food in advance (you may have to pay for this); checked out how they serve their food; and confirmed their hygiene rating, then I’m sure everything will be fine. Ultimately you are not going to please every single one of your guests on your day – that’s really an impossibility. You will always get someone complaining about something – it’s human nature to find fault unfortunately – but if you have catered for the majority then you have done all you can do.
“Will people dance?” Most couple’s want people to dance as they believe this is how they can tell that people are enjoying themselves. However, this is not necessarily true. Some people enjoy themselves more drinking and chatting and watching. To help to fill the floor you can ensure the DJ has all of your likes and dislikes of music and the DJ will try all sorts of music to fill the dance floor. However, sometimes you just have to accept that your guests just don’t fancy dancing. If you really want to dance, talk to some of your friends / family in advance and ask them to dance with you on the day so that at least you can enjoy yourself too.
“What happens if our first dance goes wrong?” A first dance really can’t go wrong. Not really. The first dance is about spending time with your partner, enjoying a special moment as a newly married couple. If you’re concerned about being on your own on the dance floor, ask couple’s to join you. If you are doing a properly choreographed dance, practice lots before your special day so that you know it; don’t get too drunk before you dance; and if you forget a move just laugh it off and have fun.
“Are people not enjoying themselves as they are leaving early?” You have to remember that a wedding day is a long and somewhat tiring day. There’s a lot of sitting or standing around and a lot of food and drink consumed. All of this can make people tired. It doesn’t mean that they haven’t enjoyed your day. They may just be ready to leave. Or if they are not drinking and they can see other people getting more and more drunk, they might just feel a little bit more aware of the situation and uncomfortable and so choose to leave a little bit earlier. They will have enjoyed themselves up to that point. You don’t hear of many people not enjoying a wedding day.
“What happens if a guest doesn’t turn up, what shall I do?” You don’t have to do anything really – if they choose not to turn up for whatever reason that is their choice. If you do know that they are not arriving though, it’s always useful to tell your Wedding Planner / Event Manager so that they can remove the place setting from the table and re-arrange the seating so that it’s not obvious that someone has not showed up. However, if you forget to do this, most Wedding Planners will spot a gap and will ask the guests on the table for information and then will remove the setting discretely.
“How will I remember to do everything?” This is where a Wedding Planner can really help. You don’t want to be worrying about timings for food, bouquet tossing, first dance etc on your day – you need someone to be prompting you to remember these things. That’s exactly what a Wedding Planner does. So if your venue doesn’t have one to help you on the day, consider recruiting an independent one to support you and help manage everything to make your day perfect.
“What happens if the speeches go on for too long and / or are embarassing?” Unfortunately again on the day there’s not a lot you can do about this if it happens – just go with it and don’t worry about things too much. However, in advance of your day tell people who are doing speeches how long they have to speak and ask them to stick to this. Also if you think someone is going to say something embarassing have a quiet word with them ahead of your day and tell them that you don’t want to be embarassed as it may spoil things for you. I’m sure they will understand.
“I don’t cry well!” This is a funny one. Some of us just don’t look good when we cry. But if you do cry, don’t worry – I’m sure the majority of your guests will either have seen you cry before or will not even notice. The main thing is to not let things worry you on the day. Make sure you have waterproof mascara on and so what if you look a teensy bit less than perfect whilst you’re crying because you are so emotional – to be honest, you’ll probably make your guests cry too. There’s nothing like seeing a room full of guests in tears on a wedding day.
“What happens if I get drunk, my partner gets drunk or the guests get drunk?” This may well happen. Certainly at least one of your guests will get drunk. Just pace yourself on the day – don’t drink anything that you know will make you sick; don’t mix your drinks too much; try to avoid doing too many shots….but also remember it’s your wedding day so absolutely relax and enjoy it but don’t get so paraletic that you don’t remember anything. If you are worried about your partner getting too drunk, talk to them in advance and ask them to not go overboard as you’d like them to spend some time with you on your day and remember everything. As for your guests, really that is out of your hands. Most bars will monitor guest consumption and if they think someone is drinking too much and getting too drunk they will either stop serving them or they will give them ‘pretend’ drinks for instance water as shots.
“Who will give me away?” Typically this is the Father of the Bride or someone ‘Dad’ related. However, this is just tradition – you can choose whoever you’d like – a sibling, a Mum, an Uncle or Aunty, a Grandad or Grandma, a child…anyone who is close to you. If someone refuses to walk you down the aisle for whatever reason…hold your head up high and choose someone else. Don’t get upset as they are not worth it.
“Will my photographs be posted on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram before the wedding has finished?” This is very likely unless you specifically manage this. You need to be quite clear with guests before, during and after the wedding if you do not want your photographs posting. Try to explain your reasons to people so that they can understand. You can write little notices / messages for people to remind them. At one of my weddings, no photographs could be shared at all due to the nature of the bride’s job – this was carefully explained to all guests and no photographs were shared without her explicit approval.
“I don’t like having my photograph taken.” Unfortunately you will have your photograph taken on your day so it is important to find a photographer whom you feel relaxed with; who understands your worry; and who can adapt their style to suit you. You don’t have to have posed shots, in fact more often that not photographers prefer the candid more natural shots nowadays. So they will capture you but maybe when you are not aware. Just remember to smile lots on your day.
“Will I stumble over my words?” During the ceremony whoever is running it whether this be the vicar, a Registrar or a Celebrant, will look after you. They will go slowly..if you don’t remember what you need to say, they will repeat it. If you stumble they will help you. If you are making a speech write down what you want to say and if you stumble a little does it really matter? I’m very sure noone will even bat an eyelid and if they do, who cares – your human at the end of the day.
“Will my make up last all day and evening?” If you’ve used a professional makeup artist or applied your makeup well, assuming you haven’t touched your face too much, cried or perspired then your makeup should stay intact. By the evening, you probably won’t care anyway. If you are worried or you think you might want to reapply for instance your lipstick, just make sure you have a small bag which includes your makeup somewhere handy so that you can get to it whenever you want.
“Will my hair stay up?” If you’re having your hair up, I am very sure that with all the pins and spray your hair will stay in place – mine certainly did – it took an age to remove the 100 plus pins – it did nothing for our wedding night! But if your hair does come down slightly either ask someone to pin it back up or just relax and enjoy your night and don’t let it bother you.
Finally…again one of the biggest concerns….the weather….we live in the UK that means the chances of rain are pretty big. So just plan for it. If it rains, it won’t spoil your day. Just enjoy it anyway. And don’t let a little thing like rain ruin anything for you. Ensure you have backup solutions in place – white umbrellas, gazebos, marquees etc and just enjoy the fact that your photographs will look fab regardless!!
Above all…enjoy your day….it’s a one off occasion to be loved by you, your partner and your guests…don’t let any worries ruin that for you.
Lots of love x